Our Data Analytics team has compiled the data-set from the Trump Inaugurational Liquid Barium test. This is a visual representation of population-wide aggregate strength of spirit in three global civilizations (plotted along local temporal concept beginning with respective birth of modernity).
Here in America, the Donald-Elect will become president in exactly five minutes. Through a Chicago Cubs-induced upset, the Donald-Elect will be sworn in as president of the central government and general secretary of the federal military commission. The rise of the Donald-Elect is a helpful indicator—much like a cup of liquid barium given to a patient by a radiologist—that will reveal the exact location of American society in the lower tract of the corkscrew model of development.
Here in America, all members of the citizenry yield to crazy homeless people. When confronted with a bleary-eyed old man who screams unintelligible swearwords through a greasy beard, all people follow the same three rules of American etiquette:
- Don’t make eye contact.
- Pretend like nothing.
- Keep walking.
Here in America, many people believe in sports-related folkloristic superstition. Unlike folklore in the old country, belief is widespread and not limited to elderly rural populations. One notable memorat of folk belief is the curse levied against the Chicago Cubs baseball team. According to popular legend, a man was expelled from Wrigley Field during the 1945 World Series because the odor of his pet goat was bothering people around him. The disgruntled man proclaimed that the Cubs would never again win the World Series—or at least not win until the world was ending.